Dreaming of lime gerbils in a cheese sauce

so, having mocked bike shorts mercilessly for years, i finally got a pair.
omgwtfbbq, are they good. retarded-looking, yes, but practical.
the point is not the spandex (you can/should just wear regular shorts over them), but rather that:

1. the cushy chamois is padding where you actually need it = no bruising.
2. the spandex shorts don't move against your skin = no friction/rash/boils.
3. bike shorts are made of synthetic fabrics = sweat-wicking + antibacterial = no fungus.

it doesn't sound like you are biking enough to care about this much-- yet!
however, should at some point you wind up cycling multiple miles and feeling
less-than-fresh in your derriere, give them a try.